Viewing a dead body may feel like a very grown-up thing for a kid to do and many adults will understandably accept reservations. People take different views or may presume that a child will find it besides upsetting. It inevitably happens at a time when you may exist struggling with your ain feelings of disbelief and sadness. When the death is sudden, it's even harder to decide what is going to be helpful for your children.

Information technology wouldn't have made me feel worse. It would have made me feel a lot better to have at least seen her rather than just stare at photos of her.

- Christina, aged ten, whose sister was stillborn

Provided they are given a choice and are well prepared, bereaved children tell usa that seeing the body is something that they do not regret doing. Children usually view bodies to say goodbye, or to gain reassurance that the body is at peace. They tell us that this helps to put their minds at residual and that the real matter, yet difficult, is never as bad equally imagined thoughts and unanswered questions. For many, it helps them start to understand the reality of what existence expressionless means.

Where someone has died in traumatic circumstances, it may be helpful to take a chat with hospital staff or your funeral managing director offset for guidance as to what might be possible.

I recollect I'd rather that my concluding memory was him going out the door that morning.

- Sarah, anile 17

Be guided past what feels correct for you and your children, but information technology tin can help to talk things through with someone from outside the family.

It is of import that children exercise not feel under force per unit area to view a body to please adults, or because they think that it is something that they are expected to practice. Even children who have called to exercise this may feel quite unsure, so information technology is skilful to reassure them that they can modify their minds correct up until the last minute. If they feel they need to continue their distance, looking in through the door is another option. Try to organise a preparatory viewing without the kid. This will enable you to feel your own initial reactions without having to support your child at the same fourth dimension. An added do good is that you will be able to describe to the child exactly what they will see, hear etc. Children are better prepared to brand the decision that is right for them if they accept the information they need.

A kid may have a unlike agreement from an adult of what nosotros mean past the give-and-take 'torso'. If a young kid is asked to draw a 'body' they often produce merely a body. It is therefore essential to ensure the child is aware that when we use this term, we mean an entire body including a head, arms and legs.

How to respond if a child asks where a body is or if they tin can see it

When someone close to them has died, it is not unusual for a child to exist anxious about the body being OK, safe and cared for. Sometimes just knowing where the body is and who is looking afterward information technology is all they need. Others require more pieces of the story filled in for them and may ask to see the trunk. This is perfectly natural and, for some, is what they demand to practice in guild to make some sense of what has happened.

'If y'all think that y'all would like to encounter Granny's body that is OK. Going to run into Granny's body is a good opportunity for you to say your own special goodbye to her. It might assistance you lot to understand that Granny really is dead and that she is non going to be effectually anymore. We are all going to miss her a lot.'

'Yous do not have to decide now, only if yous think that you would like to practice this, I will come with you. Granny'south body is at the Funeral Domicile. I will ask the people at the Funeral Domicile when we would be able to go. One time we know when that volition be, we can chat about information technology once again and see if you all the same would similar to go.'

This may be all you demand to say at this phase, but more caption might exist asked for at some betoken.

'Different people accept unlike feelings when they come across a body. You might desire to cry, yous might non. You lot can spend every bit long or equally little time with Granny'south body as you want.'

'If you want to, you can take something with you to leave with Granny'south trunk, perhaps some flowers, or you could describe a picture if you wanted and take that. What practice you think?'

The Viewing

If a child chooses to see the trunk, they need to be prepared equally much as possible. Remind them that the body is dead, has no life, and feels null. Information technology helps them to know what will be in the room, who volition be in the room, what the body volition look like, what it is covered with, or a description of any apparel that it is dressed in. The body may be in a coffin or laid out on a bed, depending on where the viewing takes place. Whatever they will experience needs to be explained to them beforehand.

'You lot will just come across Granny's body, not anyone else'due south. She volition be lying in a long box called a coffin. The room will exist quiet and simply yous and I and the homo from the funeral habitation will be at that place. Granny will look very pale and her eyes volition be shut. It will exist cool in the room. Granny is dressed in one of her favourite dresses, the ane she wore on her birthday.'

Some children choose to take something such every bit a small-scale bunch of flowers or a toy or drawing to leave. This tin help them to experience that they take contributed with their own special souvenir. Stephen was eight years old when his much-loved grandmother died. He left a small-scale picture of himself on her pillow to 'take with her.' He did not ask where she had gone but seemed happy to believe that she had gone somewhere.

Just before going in to view, reassure the child that if they have changed their mind, that is perfectly OK. If they take brought something to exit say that, if they wish, you lot will take it in on their behalf.

It is important that you feel comfortable taking your child. It is very understandable if it all feels rather overwhelming and your child picks up on this. If this is the case, try to detect some other trusted adult who can stand in for you. Some families become equally a grouping and your child tin can be a role of this while yous remain behind.

How to respond if the child asks to touch the torso

Touching the expressionless body, as long as it is their choice, tin can aid children to sympathise the concept of existence dead, and start to grasp the reality of what has happened. Should they enquire to touch on the body, children need to know in accelerate what it will feel like. If a body is badly damaged or disfigured, extra special preparation will be needed. Yous can call our helpline for further guidance.

'If you lot want to touch her yous can just you do not have to. She volition experience cold and her skin volition be very pale. This is because the blood has stopped pumping round her torso.'

Adults can show a child it is OK to touch a trunk by their behaviour rather than by making a directly suggestion. If an adult kisses Granny on the cheek, a kid observing this gets the message that doing and so is OK just will non feel under force per unit area to practice the aforementioned.

Afterwards

Be aware that you lot may be upset afterward viewing the trunk, simply the child with you lot may or may not be upset. It is not unusual for a child to deport on equally though naught of any significance has happened. Questions and reactions will come later on, at a time when they feel more able to think about the situation. Children tin simply deal with powerful emotions for a brusk time and they are skillful at having 'time out' from overwhelming feelings. This ways that they may appear unaffected but of course, they are not.

Isla didn't go in with fear, it seemed to be the about natural affair in the world for her to do. She took her a drawing and a favourite photograph for Nanny to keep. She walked into the room and pulled up the niggling chair that was next to the bed, gently stroked her arms, hair and face and gave her a kiss. She didn't really say very much to her other than 'I love you', merely just spent a little fourth dimension sitting with her. The adventure to brand things 'real' seemed to help her process what had happened and sympathize the finality of her death.

- Isla's female parent

Isla was three and a half when her nanny died, and she had lots of questions nearly why her nanny couldn't come up back. Isla asked repeatedly to run into her Nanny in order to say goodbye.

Isla's mother notes, however, that 2 other children in the family aged thirteen and 15 chose non to view the body, saying they wanted to think her as she was when she was alive.

It is important therefore to let all children in a family unit to make their own choices and non be expected to do what someone else has chosen. The fundamental is ensuring that they are doing it because they desire to and that they and you are fully prepared for it beforehand.

I tried not to take my own 'baggage' into the room and was led by Isla. It was a cute moment to watch, which was completely unexpected.

- Isla's mother

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